I spent more than an hour last night cooking up a batch of these ground turkey meatloaf muffins, which were decent enough on the fly but have subsequently hardened into flavorless, brick-like structures that could be used to jack up a car during a tire heist (see also: Charlie's Angels famous fighting muffins). I'll be honest here and state for the record that I believe ground turkey is at best a sincere mistake on behalf of nutritionists and fat-free nutjobs, and at worst a hoax on the people perpetrated by the pigs and cows of America. I have never before participated in a conspiracy theory but am determined to get to the bottom of this one. My soon-to-launch Turkey Scam! Facebook Group will blow the lid off this in no time, so stay tuned—we will need all the Likes and Angry Faces we can get.
Unrelated but important: here's a very literal video interpretation of my favorite Bob Seger song. Bob Seger is a noted streaming service holdout, which is an artistic stand I deeply respect but is also what makes the following not only possible but inevitable. I don't care what kind of mood you're in, this video will improve it by 800,000%. Trust me: what Bob Seger sings, the eyes of your heart will feel.