School sucks

Meet the following Writing Class Archetypes:

1) The Godly Octogenarian Former English Teacher whose favorite film is The Passion of the Christ. Go ahead and guess what her favorite book is. (Sadly, I will now be forced to submit something pornographic for a future writing assignment.)

2) Not one but two Bouncy Freshman Psych Majors, complete with Breck Girl Hair and Birkenstocks. Bouncy Freshman Psych Major Consensus: Anne Rice rocks! (Of course I can neither confirm nor deny, due to my strict goth-avoidance policy.)

3) The Black-Clad Social Malcontent who shows up one hour and fifteen minutes late and complains—loudly—because she's missed the "Meet Your Fellow Students" portion of the program. (All right, I do award extra special malcontent credit for the menacing chainlink accoutrements dangling from the beltloops.)

Friday at the Patio

Mary Mary wastes precious lunch minutes struggling to get out of (and then back into) her spring coat, and finally accepts defeat with a smile. I smile, also, at the sight of Mary Mary arguing with her spring coat.

Meanwhile, just down the block at Blueberry Hill, CV ditches her nice, nosy friends for a boy and dines on a teeth-friendly, extra-extra-carbs-&-sugar meal of waffles & whipped cream. (What, no ice cream? Have you retained nothing from Stretch's teachings?)

And Mrs. Smith spends her day sending girl-power spam to her friends. Thanks, Mrs. Smith!

Fresh from the archives: 2003 in a nutshell

19 December 2003


2 Dec 2003 

Did you see his shoes? He’s not my husband!
CV, rejecting a potential life partner wandering innocently through the MH parking lot wearing a pair of unfortunate loafers

29 November 2003 

Stretch’s Shower!

26 Nov 2003 

Me as a person is based on silver.
CV on CV

29 Oct 2003 

Can open—worms everywhere!
CV in the course of a normal business day

27 October 2003 


23 October 2003 

Trixie coins a verb for Mary Mary's sploögy brain, which CV then craps up by inserting a tilde where the umlaut belongs

22 Oct 2003 

I may be loud, but I don’t say much!
Trixie on Trixie

16 October 2003 

Blah blah blah and Mary loses it

11 October 2003 

I like the Quakers.
Random Quotable Kim-ism #30,004

27 September 2003 

Trixie dates Bruce Springsteen for One Night Only!

9 Sept 2003 

It’s in my pants!
Stretch, referring to her sad little belly button

26 July 2003 

I may be self-absorbed, but sooner or later I catch on.
Trixie, explaining her policy of obliviousness during The Intervention

25 July 2003 

Is it a "g" or is it a "q"? Mrs. Smith's brain is tripped up by her tongue while the rest of us look on and laugh and laugh and laugh.

24 July 2003 

Freaks Gone Wild at the Taco Joint!
CV, on observing a pair of scruffy derelicts mating in the park next to the bee-ridden picnic tables

4 June 2003 

The more I do, the more I’ll get done
sounds like a Mary Mary

3 June 2003 

snip snip
no comment

27 May 2003 

CV, slinging some streetwise vernacular at her dorkl cohorts

14 May 2003 

The Professor’s here!
whew! on his reappearance at Bernard's after many weeks away

7 May 2003 

Get off my desk, Kari!
CV, being not very nice to her good, tired friend

29 April 2003 

Mary’s 32nd birthday!

23 April 2003 

Happy 10th anniversary, Mary & Brian!

21 April 2003 

Mary says “ergo"
during a normal conversation

18 April 2003 

CV dates Jerry Seinfeld for One Night Only!

16 April 2003 

Lori = very visible
Mrs. Smith hogging the limelight at yet another staff meeting

12 April 2003 

Game night at Trixie’s, but Stretch cannot attend because she’s busy getting engaged!

7 April 2003 

Mary crowed like a rooster.
and probably not for the first time

20 March 2003 

Did you honk at me?
Crazy Blue Hoodie Lady at the Taco Joint, after CV gave her a honk for unsportsmanlike parking conduct. Shortly thereafter followed by an obscene gesture not at all fitting the crime.

19 Feb 2003 

She’s hunchy, but she’s a slammer!
Trixie, referring to poor Hunchy & her habitual misunderstandings with the ol’ laser printer

14 Feb 2003 

Has anyone ever told her to shut up?
Mary Mary on a former Chatty Chatterson manager

15 Jan 2003 

Stretch finds a hundred and twenty bucks in her own car
and selfishly refuses to hand over the finder’s fee to those most deserving and hungry