An affair to remember

Mrs. Smith is transfixed (and rendered mute) as she watches CV lay out her butter-yellow and pesto-green paint chips before a "small" serving of guacamole at the taco joint.

CV: Do you have an opinion, or are you just colorblind?

Trixie: I think she's in love with you.

Potholes and tacos and rain, oh my

My goodness. At this point, we wish for Mrs. Smith’s sake that the story might begin to improve, but alas, it is not so. The adventures continue!

Saturday August 28 / overcast skies, falling temperatures

Heading to Skokie to cheer on a friend walking in the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 3-Day, Mrs. Smith manages to hit, head-on and at appropriate tollway speed, The World’s Largest Pothole.

Mrs. Smith: “Is that my tire?”

Trixie: “Affirmative.”

Major Day Saver #1: Good Samaritan Saviors / Truckers who stop to change flat tires for Hapless Females (Mrs. Smith would be wise to keep forking out that AAA membership fee just in case)

Major Day Saver #2: Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 3-Day walkers and volunteers. It’s an awesome thing.

Major Day Saver #3: the Tierra Grill in Elmhurst (correction: Villa Park), proving once again that where there are tacos, there is joy

Footnote: It’s going to take a little advance remuneration to get Trixie anywhere near the northern territories with Mrs. Smith any time soon.

Happy birthday, Stretch

Over half salads & buffalo chicken, we salute the following:

1) Stretch's dream of celebrating her birthday in the car -- a dream she's already guaranteed to realize

2) The sack of gold doubloons Mary Mary should have received for her phone-in author survey

3) Some wise & practical parenting tips from CV & Trixie, who know nothing about being wise, practical, or parents

4)  Mrs. Smith's impending Hilary Duff concert. Way to rock it with that tween crowd, Mrs. Smith.

5) Menopause

Another Tuesday, another taco

Special guest star: Big Tony

Weather: Absolute heaven

Seating: Outdoors. Mostly bug-free. Windblown. Not quiet.

Eating: 6 steak tacos. 1 steak taco lunch. 1 enchilada. 2 bottles of water. Many man-pops.

Observation: Intending to compliment Stretch on her low-maintenance personality, CV compares her to aluminum siding

29 going on... 29

Look at that...June 7th already.

CV, Stretch, and Trixie follow a late-morning funeral procession halfway to La Grange to celebrate CV's (not) 29th birthday, which she honors by adopting an all-pork-all-the-time diet (although Trixie suspects neither her personal physician nor her orthodontist is likely to approve). Alas, Taco Tuesday shall be the true test of her resolve.

Joining them at the Grapevine (mmmm...wine juice) are Mrs. Smith and Mlle Clarklene (apparently skipping school so she can adhere to the all-white mealplan, with an exception made for a tres moist birthday cake prepared by Stretch), and special surprise guest Chips who, thankfully, is as hungry for jalapeno sausage as Trixie.

Condolences to poor Mary Mary, quarantined at home with the stomach flu. (Probably the jalapeno sausage would have sent her right over the proverbial edge.) Best wishes for a speedy recovery, and a happy birthday to CV! (Woo hoo! Only 364 days until she turns 29 again!)

Crabathon at Max & Erma's (an original composition)

Ch. 20 ::

Ill-Tempered Lunchtime Operetta performed by Trixie, CV, and Stretch:

(overture) Crab crab crab goddamn rain (recitative) crab crab fried chicken crab crab crab more than three extra napkins please (intermezzo) crab crab Chestiny crab where's the food crab crab where's the waiter (embellishment) crab crab cough cough we could use a refill sir (crescendo) crab crab crab crab crab where's the check (finale) crab crab where's our change (finale ultimo) crab crab crab fucking rain (encore) crab crab crab (bow, standing ovation, exeunt, curtain).