Dream dog

I came upon a chocolate brown cocker spaniel on the street the other day, loitering with its owner outside some shop or other, and for about 30 seconds after passing that dog I wondered what the ROI would be on doubling back, snatching its leash, and running for the hills. Had I been working with an accomplice I feel like I actually could have pulled it off, but the opportunity has passed and now we'll never know. Thus I remain, for the moment, dogless. But in a future life one of the following is the kind of dog that I, Kari, will have. This is my pledge to you.

This puppy has prematurely gray whiskers and an inquisitive professorial air, so I would name him George. For a long time now I've had a habit of calling out "Hello, George! Where did you go, George?" at random intervals, to the air, in the manner of Bernadette Peters singing to Mandy Patinkin in "Sunday in the Park with George." Nobody knows why. But Dog George will be able to answer. He and I will spend many Sundays in various parks running hither and thither while putting the fear of god into birds and squirrels. But he'll also be a bit of a Costanza, obviously, the kind of dog who can't see the bone in front of its own face half the time. That seems like a given for any dog I might own.

This dog looks like a real go-getter who's ready to dive for the ball and do whatever it takes to get the job done. I'd call her Dottie Hinson, after Geena Davis's character in "A League of Their Own," or maybe Kit Keller, Dottie's little sister, although I find that character needy and a little too concerned with the approval of others. Jesus Christ, Kit, quit your whining and focus on the game! Whereas my dog will be fun-loving yet stoic. So Marla Hooch, I guess. Marla knocks it out of the park every time without giving two beans about what anyone thinks of her eyebrows.

Like all puppies, this one looks mostly confused and also a little fed up with the whole situation of his head being too big for his body. "When will my short stumpy arms be capable of supporting my enormous noggin and soft silken ears?" is what this champ is thinking to himself. But he's clearly lovable so I would probably name him something chummy like Waffles, or maybe just Bacon. Bacon will wear capes for Halloween and be a very popular host of his own Youtube channel titled "What Bacon Thinks About Politics," which will just be short clips of Bacon lying on the sofa yawning or licking himself while watching the Sunday morning talk shows.