Oh hey, an irritating Buzzfeed-like listicle:
- Rinse and prep your basic kale and toss it into a large bowl.
- Squeeze on some fresh lemon, drizzle with olive oil, then stick a goddamn hand in there and massage those fucking leaves like your life depends upon it. They will bend themselves to your will in 2–3 speedy minutes.
- Whilst massaging, go ahead and read about writers inspired by other art forms at the Financial Times (and enjoy the world's best picture of Vladimir Nabokov hunting for butterflies while wearing shorts and a cardigan).
- When your kale is well and truly softened, add some Caesar dressing and, again, mix with your hands (I'm sorry, but it's the only way). p.s. Many American Food Experts will tell you to concoct your own dressing, but I fear that would be crossing some kind of culinary Maginot line. YMMV, obvs., etc.
- Chuck in a handful of delicious grape tomatoes and shelled edamame and grate some pecorino on top.
- Bask in pure green victory and the stench of your own moral superiority over all those proletarian iceberg lettuce eaters.
- Follow with—what else—a tangelo.