Five easy steps

Having a small bump removed from the side of your nose by the dermatologist:

1. Needle: pinch pinch.

2. Scalpel: scrape scrape scrape.

3. Let me just cauterize it to stop the bleeding: BURN.

4. Can you feel this?

5. No, but I can smell it.

etc.: I was excited/scared that I would end up with a huge scar on my face, but it just looks like I scratched a mosquito bite. Or popped a zit. At my age! You'd think at least she could've given me a black eye so I could look tough at the bars tonight. Tougher, I mean.