My newest favorite job title

“Organic Beauty Entrepreneur” (as seen on the cover of this month’s Domino)

Soon I will start billing myself as both an “Abstract Entertainment Stylist” and an “Iron-free Wrinkle Consultant.” As such you can either hire me to sit in your living room and change the channels on your television AT RANDOM and without notice, or sleep in your clothes.

Third will be “Freelance Birthday Attendee” for those instances when you find yourself short one person (i.e., I will be your “One Short Person”) or otherwise friendless. I will eat as much cake as you want, and if perchance I eat too much cake (although I don’t see how that’s possible), we can change my title to “Freelance Food Recycler.” Note: no gifts will be given, although I do accept diamonds (i.e., “Willing Diamond Recipient”).