Previously covered

J.Crew is getting slammed hard these days and as a spurned former lover I am happy to pile on. Back in the '05–'10 "work-from-home" era a good 80% of my closet was fed by the 'Crew, and although I'm externally employed again, that's been whittled down to two pairs of black pants, three cashmere sweaters, and a long sleeve navy blue boatneck tee that I'll maybe part with when I die. All were purchased in 2011, which in fashion years might as well be 1850. Their entire current lineup is too sheer, short, tight, boxy, weird, cheap, expensive, terrible. I mean, any way you slice it, these are terrible:

The truth is I am a square, but squares need clothes, too, clothes that fit actual people who are non-twentysomething non-fashion-heads, which J.Crew once reliably supplied. Even today I would wear almost anything from their August 2007 catalog (subtitled "A Fall Story"!), including many items made for fellas.

What I really need is a lot more of this (i.e., classic cuts and pops of color, not smiling girls in foreign lands hoisting props aloft):

...and a whole lot less of whatever this is supposed to be: